Ep. 14 | Dan McLintock: The hidden force controlling your emotions - and how to find true inner peace

In this raw and revelatory conversation, Xavier Dagba welcomes Dan McLintock, co-founder of the Kiloby Inquiries, for a powerful deep dive into the hidden force controlling your emotions: emotional repression.

Dan opens up about his personal journey as a lifelong anger repressor — from childhood trauma and chronic self-doubt to addiction and disconnection — and how reclaiming his full emotional range transformed his life.

Together, Xavier and Dan unpack the difference between anger and aggression, how repression drives suffering, and why most nervous system regulation techniques only soothe symptoms without addressing the buried emotional roots.

Whether you tend to repress anger or vulnerability, this episode will help you uncover the unconscious stories running your life and show you how to work with your repression rather than against it.

Here is what you’ll learn in this conversation:

• Why emotional repression is the true cause of inner chaos
• How “being good” is often a trauma response
• The key difference between clean anger and violent outbursts
• How to somatically test your dominant repression
• Tools to dissolve shame, self-doubt, and addiction
• Why peace is found through permission, not perfection
• And how to reclaim your power without becoming the very thing you feared

⏱ CHAPTERS
00:00 – The buried emotions that drive suffering
01:01 – The epidemic of emotional repression
02:06 – Dan’s experience as an anger repressor
03:33 – How beliefs and programming trap us in confusion
06:00 – Childhood roots: “I have to be good”
08:49 – Becoming the nice guy & disowning anger
10:19 – Addiction and deficiency stories
11:20 – “I think I might be angry” — the beginning of his healing
12:04 – Developing the repression work with Scott Kiloby
13:18 – How repression expresses as sarcasm, ghosting, people-pleasing
15:23 – Anger repression vs vulnerability repression
18:19 – How to tell which one you carry
20:16 – How expressing anger changed Dan’s relationships
22:20 – How Dan’s relationship with his parents evolved
26:00 – The moment Dan told his parents he was furious
28:11 – Baby steps toward healthy expression
29:29 – The embodied power of a true “no”
30:51 – Cleaning anger from the rageful edge
33:20 – The power of counterintuitive permission statements
35:37 – Spiritual bypassing as a form of repression
37:00 – The messiness of healing repression
39:25 – Reclaiming the part of you that agreed not to be like “them”
44:36 – Tools for somatic testing and reverse inquiry
48:45 – When regulation becomes sedation
51:02 – The fear of emotional overwhelm
54:26 – Why affirming repression often works better than resisting it
58:35 – “I have to suffer” – how unconscious beliefs feed anxiety
1:00:04 – How repression mechanisms behave like an illusionist
1:01:00 – Addiction as emotional regulation
1:04:11 – Shame, sobriety, and letting go of self-punishment
1:07:58 – How shame perpetuates the cycle
1:08:57 – When drinking becomes as neutral as eating broccoli
1:09:48 – Spiritual fallacies and weaponized virtue
1:11:00 – Dan on what he’s still learning to love
1:15:08 – Scars of Gold: transforming self-doubt into trust
1:20:00 – Where to find Dan
1:21:18 – Final wisdom: your back is never against the wall

Connect with Dan McLintock
Website: www.Kiloby.com/dan
Instagram: @dan.mclintock
YouTube: @danmclintock1980
TikTok: @dan.mclintock

Listen to ENHEARTENED with Xavier Dagba on:
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363

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